I’ve just spent the last half hour writing this blog and most of the content has disappeared. I shall have to write it all again. So here goes.

This is the new friend, I think I’m going to call her Nina. It’s my new micro-camper van. Not brand new, she’s six years old. I don’t usually name my vehicles but a friend has persuaded me to so why not. It’s all kitted out with sink, double hob gas burners, fridge etc and a rock n roll bed which pulls out. I am planning to do some stays in the woods with it and traveling too. It’s not much bigger a than large car and so is easy to park. I wanted to give her a good run out, get familiar and try a few things. The pop up roof was easy enough but trying to fit the side canopy was very difficult. I lost my temper eventually and abandoned it.

The other job was to burn off the grease and gunk from this cast iron pan which I bought at a boot sale for £1. I will wire brush it and wash clean then oil immediately. To re-season you heat it up till the oil smokes and will blacken and protect the pan. Whilst I had a fire going I made lunch on another restored boot sale find. This little pan is ace for cooking on a fire, nothing sticks.

I found an owl pellet in my shelter. They are grey and furry and this was probably the remains of a wood mouse. When owls digest their food, all the fur and bones are rolled up into these pellets and regurgitated to dispose of.

Back in the 1990s some human remains were discovered in another neighbour’s plot. They were neolithic and the local archeologist were invited to excavate the woods. In my plot there is an ancient ditch and bank which they said could be neolithic or Roman or just medieval. They couldn’t tell. They dug a whole in my woods and left behind this metal marking grid tool. I keep it as a point of interest.

You can just make out the shallow ditch in the centre of this photo and the hole the archeologists dug.

Speckled Wood butterfly

I’m a bit slow posting this as it was Sunday when I went to the woods and to be honest, not much to talk about woodland-wise. I’ve been busy with other things. I’ve bought myself a “micro campervan”. Basically it’s a small work van that has been professionally converted into a camper. It’s not much bigger than a large car and although theoretically you could sleep four people, you wouldn’t want to and ideally just right for one person. I am hoping to get some camping nights at the woods soon and this will make it so much easier and quicker to set up and take down than a tent. Plus I can go off traveling too.

Sunday’s trip was really to show a new pal my woods. I met him through the Bodgers Gazette, he was part of the Kent group but moved north and got in touch with me. We met for coffee a few times and hit it off well. Maybe in future we will do some green woodworking together.

It’s very dark and quiet in the woods this time of year. Not much bird life to be seen, they will be laying low as they go through the summer moult and just recovering from the breeding season. I’ll just leave you with a few photos I took. Hopefully I will have more content next time.

Photo above are the berries of Arum Maculatum aka Lords and Ladies or Cuckoo Pint.

It was almost four weeks since my last visit when I went yesterday. The heatwave kept me at home last weekend and I’ve been busy with other things and had little motivation to head to the woods. There are no particular jobs urgently need doing and hanging about in the woods when you are already lonely doesn’t feel great.

I invited my pal to come and just hang out for a while. He’s just bought an old Mazda Bongo camper and I was keen to see it and also thought it would give him a reason to take it out on the road and see how it drives. It’s not been fully converted with cupboards and sinks etc. It’s really like a mini bus or people carrier with multiple seats which slide and fold flat but it has a pop up top so you can stand in it and also a drop down board that acts as an upstairs bunk. I liked it and it’s perfectly adequate as it is for a few nights camping seeing as he’s a fellow bushcrafter and owns various stoves, tarps and camping gear. He will probably make some modifications when he’s had time to think about it and what he’d like from it. He’s named it Willie after his favourite country singer Willie Nelson. I hope to do an overnighter in my tent before long and probably my mate and Willie will join me.

The woods haven’t changed much since the last visit. Very dark and quiet. The trees seem to be bearing up well to the very dry months we have had but it was good to see there had been a recent heavy rainfall. My water butt was full to the brim after my last visit when I emptied it completely into the small pond. Wildlife was scarce but we spotted two roe deer, a tiny mouse and a buzzard. Little sign of other birds but they do go quiet at this time of year and I believe they start their plumage moult which impairs their flying and makes them more vulnerable to predation, so they tend to lie low.

This is the oak gall I showed you before. It’s starting to ripen but there was no hole in it yet so the small developing wasp is still in there.

I just love the visual beauty of gnarly old birch bark. It also contains a lot of oil and although the wood from birch rots very quickly, the bark can remain intact for years. This is part of a fallen dead one. The oily bark is great for tinder and fire lighting and much valued in bushcraft circles.

There’s not much else to write about this time but hopefully I will be making more regular trips to the woods now. Bye for now.

I am aware I haven’t posted on here for awhile. I have visited but it was a private family affair with my daughter and partner and I didn’t want to post photos. We had a lovely time, lit a fire, cooked lunch, did a few jobs. Yesterday it was just me all day. Didn’t meet anyone else and at this time of year the birds go very quiet. A tinge of loneliness crept over me at times but that was for a good reason and regular readers will know why. I only had two jobs in mind – finish the log store and bring some logs home for winter.

I got stuck into the construction straight away. There was just the vertical side pieces to add. It was a bit of a struggle, I had forgotten my special powered screwdriver, ran short of screws long enough and had to resort to nails. It was one of those days when my usual efficient planning was lacking. I’m having a few days like that where I seem to be clumsy and disorganised. Well I still got the job done and am pleased with it. I tidied up the side of the original logshed which had some old logs under plastic tarps and put them in the new shed. They are a bit black and dirty and will probably just get used in the campfire rather than home.

I loaded my trugs with clean logs for home and that was my jobs completed. I had plenty of free time to wander and take photos. I decided to concentrate on the small things. It’s easy to overlook them as you walk around so it’s a case of stopping, putting my reader specs on and looking carefully. This is a wonderful exercise for focusing on the present, just being in the moment. The first photo appears to be some sort of fly just emerged from it’s pupa.

This shot intrigued me. A large wasp and a bee sharing the same flower. The wasp seemed more afraid of the bee that the other way around and soon wandered off.

These round balls are oak galls sometimes called oak apples. I’ve mentioned them before but here goes again. A small wasp lays an egg on the oak leaf. The tree produces these galls around the egg which is now protected, will to hatch, feed off the gall and mature. Eventually the new wasp bites a hole in it and escapes. The galls are hard and brown by then and in the past have been used to make ink. They are rich in tannin and when crushed and mixed with a ferric solution, produce a very dark and fade resistant ink. Apparently the Magna Carter was written with gall ink.

This is a very old and gnarly crab apple tree. I love it for being just that.

Lastly a beautiful clump of vibrant green moss growing on a boulder. Till the next time.

Not the most exciting blog title but that’s mainly what I was doing yesterday at the woods. It was fine but very windy. Close by I kept hearing a weird sound, somewhere between a small yapping dog and a goose and it was driving me nuts. There is a smallish dead oak tree which blew over in the gales last winter. It landed on a sycamore and their branches lodged together. As the big sycamore moved in the wind, the oak branch was rubbing against it making this noise. I will have to take it down just for peace of mind and ears but it’s going to be tricky as the branches are locked together. If you look at the photo below you can see one branch of the oak in front and one behind the sycamore in a sort of embrace.

For seasoning and keeping logs dry, I have a big plastic tarp draped over a ridge pole lashed to two large oaks. It forms a sort of tent shape over the logs but I don’t like it. I’m trying to reduce the use of plastic and it’s unsightly. I was given some pale green metal panels that were part of a small shed so I am planning to replace the plastic with those. Rather than try to fasten them over the existing logs, I intend extending the small log store I made out of pallets when I first got the woods. Originally it was mainly for logs but over the years it’s filled up with other useful stuff that I use regularly. Nothing of value, just handy to keep there. The sides and back were covered with old branches to keep rain off and disguise it’s ugly appearance. I will extend it backwards by building some side and roof spars with the larch poles. Then fasten the metal panels on top. So the first job was to remove the old branches and this is how it looked after. I might even extend it sideways on the left as well.

I hadn’t brought any screws or tools for that job so spent time measuring up and working out which pieces of larch would be suitable. Some needed splitting down into halves and quarters and that was a hot and energetic task made worse by the numerous flies and mosquitoes that found my perspiration attractive! The six uprights were chosen and I have simply leaned them there to keep separate from the rest.

One of my neighbours, a fellow bushcrafter and keen nature lover, came around for a chat. He knows of my bereavement and was very supportive when we talked last week. I enjoy his company and we walked around my woods and swapped notes and it was just great to have conversations that weren’t all about my awful situation at home. The day went well and it was the first time in weeks I felt reasonably OK mentally and emotionally. I know it won’t last long but one good day a week is a step in the right direction. I am really liking the idea of selling the car and getting a camper van. I could spend more nights here not worrying about the weather and wet tents to sort out and also have some mini adventures in other beautiful parts of the country.

Hope to start building the log store next visit. Plenty of material now.

Regular readers will remember I mentioned my wife passed away recently. I don’t intend to go on about it in my blogs but it is affecting my days spent at the woods and that might reflect in the tone of the posts or lack of content occasionally. I would just say that unless you have experienced the loss of a long term partner personally, then you won’t understand how deep grief can be and the huge mix of emotions you will experience. Some you cannot even put a name to. It’s not the same as losing a parent or close friend, it’s way bigger than that. Hence the title of this. As you know I consider visits to the woods as a huge boost to my mental health but yesterdays visit barely scratched the surface in alleviating the sadness and loneliness that I am experiencing.

I only had one job in mind which was to continue stripping the bark off the larch logs. The rest of the day I would spend doing whatever felt right, walking around observing and taking photos. Without the work it would have been hard to fill my time without getting hugely morose. There’s also something very therapeutic and satisfying about doing some simple but energetic task. By the end of the day I had stripped the rest of the logs and stacked them ready for use for building various structures, mainly a log store.

This next photo is a wild raspberry leaf covered in greenfly. The second photo is the juvenile ladybird beetle which feeds on them. It was just a few feet away from them but on a nettle which had very few. It occurred to me how random and disconnected life can sometimes be. If the beetle had enough awareness and intelligence to know they were there it would have meals for life. The greenfly are just as unaware of the danger lurking so close that could gobble them up.

I had a walk round and took some photos. This nest box has started to rot and the woodpeckers have tried to get into it. I think a new one is in order for next year.

As I don’t have much else to say, I’ll just leave you with a few more photos

Yesterday was just what I needed, a day of doing rather than thinking. Being connected to the earth and the healing energy of the woodlands. It’s got a lot of work to do to mend my shattered life but it will be one of my main supports. It was surprisingly quiet, few birds came to the feeders but I guess there is such an abundance of insects and seeds that they don’t particularly need my food. I was sorry to see that my usual friendly robin that hangs around was absent. I’m hoping it might just be too busy with egg sitting or feeding chicks.

I was keen to carry on with processing the larch logs by splitting some and removing the bark ,hence the mention of stripping in the title. Sorry to disappoint if you thought it was something else! I rigged up a temporary support to lean them on to make the bark stripping more comfortable, doing it standing rather than bent over.

Various people have said splitting larch is almost impossible because of all the side branches that cause knots inside. I had a go out of curiosity last time and I found it is possible. It doesn’t cleave very clean but they are pretty straight grained unlike my hazel and sycamore which have a twist or “wind” in them.

I met some of my lovely neighbours and we had a walk around their plot, mainly to see their badger sett. It looks like it is abandoned now but there were lots of bones and feathers scattered around and I wondered if a fox might have subsequently used it to rear cubs. Not sure when my next visit will be but I’m looking forward to it and many more.

Yesterday was the first time at the woods on my own since the passing of my wife recently. I needed to go to try get some calm and healing and there’s nowhere better for me than the woods. At first it felt a little alien but it’s not the woods, it’s me and my feelings which are alien. I decided I need to find some little piece of normality in my life again. The road ahead is a long and fairly bleak one right now but if I can introduce the odd day here and there that feels like things are normal, then eventually that feeling will start to grow. Somebody told me the idea of growing around grief. The grief never goes away but eventually you grow your new life around it which lessens the impact of it on you.

It was a cold morning but sun was filtering through the leafy canopy. I was intending doing a couple of jobs but also giving myself the luxury of just sitting, reflecting and taking in the beauty of it. I took my plastic garden chair from the shelter and looked for nice secluded spots and just sat for a while, then moved on to another. It paid off in unexpected ways. I spotted a coal tit fly down and land at the other side of a rotten birch stump. It was out of sight for a while then flew off into a tree. It came back and did the same again. I went to look at the stump and found a hole that it was using as a nest. It was very dark and I shone my phone torch and there, nestled together, were about five baby ones. They looked almost fully fledged with their black caps. Those tiny black eyes stared out at this alien world that they were about to be plunged into and I felt a certain resonance with them. Huddled together, safe and looked after by parents but soon to venture out and find their own way in life. The photo is blurred because the camera focus would not lock onto the dark inside but you can just make out the little birds inside.

I took my old fashioned scythe and cleared some paths that were overgrown. It is a much gentler and satisfying way than using the noisy, smelly brushcutter and quite therapeutic. It was a good day for bird spotting too. When I filled the feeders I sat for quite a while and watched. The usual blue and great tits came but also a jay and a great spotted woodpecker. I could hear blackcaps singing their beautiful liquid songs and I felt grateful to have such diversity of bird life in my woods, indicating a healthy and bountiful environment.

I spent some time peeling the bark off the larch logs I had cut a few weeks ago using a vintage drawknife I bought in France and imagined some old bodger using the same tool in a forest there many years ago. It felt good and satisfying. My neighbours arrived and we spent a lot of time just chatting about my situation. I think it helped and I can talk about it more easily without getting too emotional now. I guess it’s like learning anything new, practice enough and it gets easier. At the end of the day there, I felt a little of my old normal self thanks to the woods and my friends. I shall aim to go each weekend if possible for more natural healing.

The ill person that I spoke about in the last post was my wife. She has since passed away and my life will be changed forever now. After 53 years of being together it leaves a hole so deep and wide. There is no pain like this one, no words to describe the terror I felt for a month and the hollowness and emptiness that follows. I find it almost impossible to think of anything else. Each day is a drudge to get through but I am still here and have to find a way to fill my life with something meaningful. I am so grateful to be the guardian of these woods and will find some healing here and will continue to visit on a regular basis as long as I am able.

Yesterday was the first time I felt anything other than grief. I came to the woods with my youngest daughter to get some nature therapy. How it has grown in just a month! Paths are becoming hard to negotiate and I will need to do some clearing soon. The woods are so lush and fresh now and it felt good to be back there. We fed the birds, lit a fire, made coffee and later cooked sausage and eggs to make sandwiches. My daughter is shaping up with her fire lighting skills. Without instruction, she set about gathering kindling. I showed her how to use a firesteel and flint and she soon had a flame going in the bird-nest bundle.

There were no jobs done, we simply enjoyed the beauty and peace to be found there and for a while I felt good, just being in the moment. I have a huge emotional mountain to climb over the coming months before I will start to feel anything like good on a day by day basis but the woods will help.

The sun was out and the woods are looking their very best right now. It’s my favourite time in the woods right now. Everything fresh and bursting with life. The leaves on the trees are still sparse enough to let lots of light in but just cloak the woods with bright, delicate green. The birds are plentiful and singing away. Yet it was a day that evoked a lot of sadness and questions about my future in the woods and other areas of my life. A sudden and devastating illness in the family hangs over me. My future visits to the woods will be less frequent, at least for the foreseeable future. Then of course we have the evil Russian president threatening WW3 and possible nuclear attacks. We can never know what the future will bring of course but we often feel that we do. We make plans and in our minds imagine us doing this and that nice thing. There are no guarantees in life and I have said many times that we have to make the most of it while life is good. In an instant our lives and future can turn bad and everything changes. Enough said let’s come back to the here and now and my day in the woods.

I needed to sort a few things out, logs to chop and stack, some pieces to bring home and hazel rods for possible craft projects. I wrote in my last blog about the larch trees my neighbour had kindly allowed me to take for a number of building ideas I had. I was keen to have a go at cleaving (splitting) some of them to use as smaller posts and timbers for a log shed and other structures. I’ve been told that larch can’t be split because there are too many side branches (knots) running through that tend to prevent splitting but I had to try it for myself. The technique is to drive a couple of steel wedges into one end across the centre line. It will start to open up, then you drive another wedge into the crack in each side which opens it further and you keep moving along the slowly lengthening crack with the wedges. It tears the fibres apart and eventually you get to the other end and the log will be split in two. You can then do the same thing with the two halves to make quarters. It was tough going but they did split and in relatively straight lines making some useful pieces. I tried it again on a couple more longer pieces and was pleased with the results. They are very ragged compared to some types of trees but I now know you can cleave larch.

I completed my list of jobs and took plenty of time out to walk around and absorb the incredible peace and beauty of this lovely place, helping to calm the storm that is raging in my life right now. As I walked, I spotted a shape high up in a tree that was clearly an owl. I have only seen one in the woods on a couple of occasions and never in daylight. Excitedly I crept as quietly as I could through the undergrowth to get as close as possible, taking photos with every few steps in case I disturbed it and it flew off. I wasn’t close enough to tell what it was. It looked smaller than a Tawny but bigger than a Little Owl. It appeared to be sleeping in the dappled sun and no sign of it taking off. When I zoomed in, it appeared fluffy and very light coloured. It’s a baby and I reckon only just fledged. I think a Tawny. What a thrill it it was and a very memorable visit. I hope with all my heart that the future will be better than it seems right now and I can continue to enjoy and share the woods with you for years to come. Take care and make the most of what you’ve got.