Some of you might remember my first solo camp when I had a terrible nightmare. It happened again. I was undecided about telling all and sundry about my insecurities but I have no ego to protect and it might be of interest, especially if you have had similar experiences or are considering solo camping. I’m interested in human psychology to some extent and it’s part of my curiosity about “life, the universe and everything” (Douglas Adams – Hitchhikers Guide to the Universe). I’m no expert psychologist (Google is my tutor) but this is what I think might explain my experiences. If you are an expert and think this is a load of cobblers, please enlighten me. Obviously the nightmares are based on deep-seated insecurities. Come on, who wouldn’t feel a little nervous about sleeping solo in the middle of a dark wood protected by a wafer thin layer of polyester? I’ve said it before, I am not frightened of any animals that might be around in the UK. The most fearsome species in my book are homo sapiens and they can be particularly nasty animals. My fears are based on possible intruders – not necessarily intent on doing physical harm, but causing mischief to me as a form of sadistic entertainment.

I wasn’t feeling nervous at all, having camped several times now but lets examine the human psyche a little deeper. There’s a part of our brain that is ancient in origin called the amygdala and is responsible for our personal safety. It reacts to danger and gives us the fight or flight mechanism. It doesn’t understand logic you can’t reason with it because it can’t distinguish between real or perceived threats.

Now let’s look at another fancy word, hypnagogia which is the transitional stage between wakefulness and the onset of sleep (or vice versa). Associated with that are feelings of being awake and asleep at the same time, sometimes accompanied with feelings of paralysis, chest crushing, hallucinations and lucid dreams (clear, realistic). I have had that on occasions when my mind has been overactive at bedtime or something is worrying me. It can be terrifying because your conscious mind is still partly functioning and you think you are awake and experiencing your nightmares for real.

I fell asleep fairly quickly. In that type of environment, the senses are heightened and the amygdala seems to be more alert than when safely tucked up in bed at home. Primitive man had to be that way and would wake regularly after short periods of sleep in order to stay safe from predators etc. Modern man is not all that far removed from our primitive ancestors on the total scale of human development. I napped and woke a few times but was wide awake at 3 am. Still not nervous but finding it hard to go to sleep again. I must have drifted off but got stuck in hypnagogia land. Wiki says that sleeping on your back can trigger it and can also account for reports of people feeling that something was crushing them. I know I was on my back at that stage, the most comfortable position when trying to relax. Suddenly it felt like something heavy had landed right on top of the tent and was bearing down on me. Was it a deer that had blundered into my tent? I tried to shove it away and it left. My thoughts were that it would also be scared and not return. It happened again accompanied with laughing. Sh*t, there are people out there. I tried to shout and tell them to go away (in less polite language). I could see shadowy movements through the thin tent walls but it felt like I could hardly speak (paralysis). I tried to open the tent door flaps but struggled to do so. Definitely somebody moving around the tent. This state of hypnagogia is traumatic because your mind is still awake enough to be thinking logically and I was convinced my eyes were open because I could see the inside of the tent clearly. Well after much swearing at imagined intruders, I managed to open the tent and step outside. I found myself by the side of a beautiful river and walked onto an old bridge. It was sunny. Relief came and I must have made the transition into proper sleep because I awoke at 6 am safe and sound in my little tent. I dressed and opened the flaps for real this time, shuffling my bum to the door so I could put my boots on and see my beautiful, benign woodland. Phew.

So if you’ve stayed with me so far, maybe you can sympathize and understand that it’s not just me being a total scaredy cat. It’s an inbuilt mechanism that is there to help protect us from danger but it can easily get it’s wires crossed. Time to light the fire and get a brew going. The sun was up, the smoke drifted through the trees and all was well again.

The tent was wet from rain, I felt chilled out and relaxed but really I was just dead tired, so I spent a leisurely morning packing all my gear up, drying the tent and a few other small woodland jobs. Another neighbour and good friend A. called around. I showed him “Champion the Thunder horse” and he was over the moon because he had given me the larch plank from his woods and was so pleased that I had made something with it. I did some bramble pulling for an hour then headed home. Despite the terrible night’s sleep, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Maybe next time I should have a few more mugs of wine before bedtime.